Relaying character through story - Bizzaro World

I don’t mean to sound self centric, but stuff happens to me that doesn’t happen to other people. If you are a member of my family, you’ll know exactly what I mean, because strange things happen to you too. It took me a while to understand that our stories aren’t typical. A friend of mine has taken to calling me B-Dub for Bizarro World because of the strange happenings in my young life. I would relay my stories to him with a sense of innocence, like “This is what I did last weekend, I went in the bathroom only to discover a copperhead wrapped around the showerhead” and he was astounded at the multitude of strange events in my life.

With that said, I have a number of stories that say a lot about who I am. I could blog about being kidnapped at 15 and how I made a daring escape or about the dead body found on my driveway three days after the kidnap incident. I could blog about harboring runaways in my basement or about my relationship that ended when my boyfriend skipped town with my car and the contents of my bank account. Those stories all have shaped my character, but I think any one of those would be too much self disclosure for this setting. With that in mind I’d like to relay the lighthearted tale of a simple grocery shopping expedition gone wrong.

I went to the grocery store with some friends to pick up a few items, and on my way in I perused the fruit and absentminded partook of the juicy free samples of pineapple they always have. I started to make my way up stairs with a friend to look for toothpaste, as this was a two story emporium of an urban grocery store. On the stairs, a security guard ran up to me, I think he was Ethiopian. Out of breath he said, “Miss, I saw you, you TOOK something!” Imagine how confused I was about being accused of shoplifting. He obviously thought I should have my hands cut off for my offense. I was aghast and denied that I had done any such thing. Still he continued to repeat, “I saw you do it, you took something and put it in your mouth!” Finally it occurred to me I had picked up a free sample. I told him, I had a free sample. He looked confused and said “No you TOOK it”. Really miffed at this point, I said “Allow me to show you, Sir” and took him to where it read in capital letters “PLEASE TRY A PIECE OF PINEAPPLE”. He said, “Oh” and disappeared out the door without apologizing for almost getting me arrested for taking a free sample. That was when I realized he didn't even work there. So that’s just a typical trip to the grocery store. My point is, whatever happens to me, at least my life is never boring.