Another good one from Nat

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him,
resting on the seventh day. He inquired, "Where have you been?" God smiled
deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael.
Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is
it?" "It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm going to
call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance." "Balance?"
inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, northern
Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern
Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white
people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all
things..

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely
hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel,
impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that
one?" "That's Virginia, the most glorious place on earth. There are
beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains.
The people from Virginia are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and
humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely
sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of
good things"

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about
balance, God? You said there would be balance..." God smiled, "Right next to
Virginia is Washington , DC . Wait till you see the idiots I put there."

Did you really graduate from Law School ?

Copied from elsewhere:

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm and quiet while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY : When is your birthday?
WITNESS : July 18th.
ATTORNEY : What year?
WITNESS : Every year.
____________________________________

ATTORNEY : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS : I forget.
ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________

ATTORNEY : How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY : How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS : Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY : Are you sexually active?
WITNESS : No, I just lie there.
_____________________________________________

ATTORNEY : What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS : He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you?
WITNESS : My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS : We both do.
ATTORNEY : Voodoo?
WITNESS : We do.
ATTORNEY : You do?
WITNESS : Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________

ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS : Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS : Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY : So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS : Uh....
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY : She had three children, right?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY : How many were boys?
WITNESS : None.
ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS : By death.
ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS : Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY : Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS : Huh?
______________________________________

As for the last!!!
ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Hilarious video

People of all political persuasions will be rolling in the aisles with laughter after seeing this video.